Can't Sleep!

I find myself unable to sleep. Tossing and turning for hours. I feel a little lost here. My current struggles seem to stem from a lack of good health. This year it feels as though I have been sick more then the rest of my life put together. There is an emotional toll that is paid along with that. I currently feel like I go through my days stuck in a dream. What I mean is that when you are in a dream you never really have the ability to logically think. Generally you tend to flow through the scenario with out question as if it is meant to be. You may feel emotions, but there is not really any time for deep though as to what your next step will be. I feel as though I am somewhat stuck in a similar place. I have this desire to be refreshed, made new. I want to think about every action I make and yet currently it feels nearly impossible. There is no question of faith or trust in God, but instead there is a lack of connection to this life. Mostly I believe it is the physical ailments that fill my head with a fuzzy dizziness. I also believe that working strange hours plays its part. Evil will use any foothold it can and make its way in. I know my God, the God if the universe, the creator of Heaven and Earth, Jesus the sacrificial lamb are all constantly fighting my battles for me now so I don't worry too much, but I know I have a responsibility to protect myself from the sinful temptations that show themselves. For all those out there who may feel the same from time to time take heart. Do not be afraid, but trust those around you to pray, ask for help in keeping yourself pure and if you cant read the word, listen to it. Do not fall away or let sin destroy you. Jesus' sacrifice is for all of us, in every situation. You may not be able to overcome sin alone, but with Jesus all things can be done. Do not be afraid. God bless!

Its another day. I have not written for some time now, but I feel I need to continue this endevor. God has been doing a work in my life, but I don't really understand it. I have been given a great peace about previous selfish desires. I have been blessed with a job so I can use the hands God provided. I have struggled with sickness and have found myself struggling to focus on anything let alone attempting to understand the word. Yet out of all that I know God is still there. He has not changed or left me. I have also been reminded through this of my favorite passage John 16:33 ^_

        “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Jesus Christ has suffered, beaten and brused for my sins, he was hung on the cross and ridiculed for me, he died and went to hell in order to take the keys to the cell of eternal hell and arose to life, to save me. I am a blessed man this day to know the God of the universe and to know what He has done for me, for all of us. I encourage you all to remember what this week means. God has blessed us all. Let us worship Him this day.

In Gods Timing.

I haven't found myself in a place where I had anything worth writing about. Things have been going very well since I began placing my trust in the Lord. Even in tough times, when we are right with God, we can find true joy. That being said I still find my self being very anxious. I have this desire to continue a work God placed on my heart years ago. The problem is that it is not currently a possibility. I took the opportunity for granted and in doing so created a distrust, a wall or barrier that seems nearly impossible to overcome. I understand that it is necessary to be rebuilt and reestablished as a man of God. That is not an easy task. It is also important to develop a stronger faith, one that will not be shaken in the future as it was previously. For that to happen I know I must be challenged and be strengthened by those God has placed on my path. I am anxious as ever and yet I know what God is doing. I need to trust in His timing, it is always perfect. I do have a desire to know the end game, but instead I need to learn to live by faith and trust that God will not disappoint. Not always an easy task. I ask for your continued prayers. My wife has this scripture on the computer and I think it is somewhat relevant.

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. for when I am weak, then I am strong. - 2 Corinthians 12:10

Gods Provision

During this time of growth and change I have recently begun I have made it my goal and duty to trust in Gods provision. It has been exciting and revitalizing being able to go through the month and not have to worry. February has been a short month and our finances were probably at their worst. This week I realized we were close to $500 short for rent. Yesterday I received a check for the exact amount we needed. The thing is, we were not supposed to have gotten that check. It was part of our tax return that was just sent a few days earlier. Gods provision is amazing. We could have worried and as everyone we knew for money, sort a kidney or maybe robbed a bank, but we made a conscious choice not to get bent out of shape. I can only say thank you for the amazing blessing you bestow upon those who are so undeserving.

Forgotten Words

Anyone else having a rough night? So this morning I decided to open the Bible to James. There are huge words written in this chapter. Words I know I needed to hear today. Even though I am finding a newly acquired peace and Joy that I once was familier with I still find myself slipping, making mistakes. Why does it seem that we often become irritable and irrational with those we are closest with. I know the answer, but sometimes I make a choice not to do the right thing. It is no one elses fault but my own, a choice made by me, whether it is at the front of my conscience or further back where I don't often pay attention too, it is still my fault. I hope these words can be an encouragment. Please read the whole chapter of James 1 as well.

2Dear brothers and sisters,^a when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

19b You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. 20Human anger^g does not produce the righteousness^h God desires. 21So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.

Why???

I was recently asked why I had decided to start a blog. Of all people I am the most unlikely to generate any literary form. The honest truth is simple, it is not intended to be some sort of profound words to change the world. Instead it is an attempted to gain back a faith that has been abused and beaten. It is an opportunity for me to work through the good and the bad ideas that float through my simple mind. I would like to encourage, no, demand everyone to express their opinions in response to my words. I believe that we are all vessels for the Lord and therefore should strenghthen each other in the name of the Lord. Please allow God to use you to straighten me out and maybe help others as well. I appreciate you taking the time to read and to offer your opinions, advice and disagreements. All praise and glory to God.

In addition I was reading this passage this morning and thought how perfect it was for my current situation.

Psalm 42:5-6
"Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again— my Savior and my God! Now I am deeply discouraged, but I will remember you"

Life is Short

      ¹ I said to myself, “I will watch what I do
      and not sin in what I say.
   I will hold my tongue
      when the ungodly are around me.”
 ² But as I stood there in silence—
      not even speaking of good things—
      the turmoil within me grew worse.
 ³ The more I thought about it,
      the hotter I got,
      igniting a fire of words:
 ⁴ “Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be.
      Remind me that my days are numbered—
      how fleeting my life is.
 ⁵ You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand.
      My entire lifetime is just a moment to you;
      at best, each of us is but a breath.”
                         Interlude

     There is power in the Scriptures. Any true believer would agree. The word has this innate ability to change ones self. Some would say it acts to generate a fairytale effect. I tend to believe that the Scriptures is a living word, not just something written by man to instill some sort of false confidence or distraction from reality.
      Yesterday I read the passage above and began to realize that life, as it were in the flesh, is short. I don’t say that with any dismay, but simply as a reality. As we grow in our faith we will be challenged. If we are not being challenged, we are not exhibiting any growth or change. Being surrounded by non-believers is not intended to be easy. We are not responsible for the action of others, not in the same sense as our faith. We are responsible to keeping ourselves pure. “I will watch what I do and not sin in what I say”, we are encouraged to live a life that honors God both in our actions as well as our attitude. Hopefully in doing this we will be an example for those who do not know or understand the truth. That being said we will still find ourselves struggling, getting frustrated at this world we are surrounded by. The reality is life is short hear on earth. We should continue to remember this when those tough times come. Its not long before we see the Lord and if we stay true to the faith we will be blessed.

James 1:12-13 NIV

¹² Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
 ¹³ When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; ¹⁴ but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. ¹⁵ Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Pure Joy in Trials

I guess its been a long time since I have written my thoughts down. I have begun this world wind, this rollercoaster of emotion once again. It seems as though the moment you begin to get right with God, Satan stands in your way questioning every step you take. For a week or too you are strong and don’t notice the nagging evil. You go through life with this spiritual high, nothing can touch you. Then one day you begin to ask “why” or “what” or “wait a minute”. Its almost like you have been glazed over from reality, or I guess the reality as you knew it to be. Then you begin to say things like “How will I pay that bill” or “it’s the end of the month already?” Your outlook begins to fall back to what it was before except now you get this feeling like you haven’t tried hard enough as though you were distracted. Frustration sets in. All the truth that you were following, the new reality that you were trusting in begins to look so far away. The Battle begins. When that little speck of doubt begins to set in Satan uses it like a pry bar. God is still in control, but it looks and feels like you are going crazy. Ups and down. It is almost like a time to truly commit or run away. Satan wants to win, but knows the reality. If we choose to follow Christ there is nothing he can do. Satan does not have any power over us. His only ability is to convince us he does. I equate him to a magician. By using smoke and mirrors, he is able to convince us of a reality that does not exist. We have more power then he does and with the power of Jesus Christ on our side nothing can stop us.